I think we all agree that sex is awesome, sometimes though sex can go painfully and horrifically wrong.

For some reason, the worst things seem to happen when people get it on: whether its things breaking that shouldn’t, others having messy accidents at a time of passion and couples getting interrupted by their pets.

After reading the following sex horror stories you will realise how much safer it is to call our adult phone sex lines, as this list is certainly not for the faint hearted. If you get squeamish you may want to look away now.

Three times unlucky

One reader told Bro Bible that a friend of his had met a girl at a concert and after several days of texting and messaging on Facebook the pair met up and started getting close.

The girl said that she was a virgin and that she didn’t want to lose her virginity to a guy she only knew for a short time, so she suggested anal sex.

After the struggle of getting it in, she hurriedly told him to pull it out because it hurt and as he did, she pooed all over his penis. She then ran out of his house embarrassed as he went to clean himself up.

The friend reconciled with the girl and the romance started to blossom again and on this occasion the girl offered the man oral sex. The girl attempted to gobble the guys penis and it hit her gag reflex and she ended up being sick all over the man’s mid region, cue her running out of his house again.

A few minutes later though, the girl knocked at the guy’s door and asked whether he owned a cat and after he said he did she revealed that she’d ran over the family pet.

But despite the girl killing the family cat, puking on him and pooing on him, the loved up lad tried calling her multiple times and she just ignored him.

Dogs like balls

In a Buzzfeed article a reader revealed that he was on top of his girlfriend romping away.

The saucy couple were rudely interrupted when the guy’s pet dog wondered over and started licking his owner’s balls and bum while he was mid flow.

A banana split

Another horror story happened when a guy met a girl at a party and after a few drinks the pair went to the lady’s hotel room.

The friend, who was retelling the story to Bro Bible, said that around an hour after the pair disappeared he got a call from his mate and it was the girl using his phone.

The distressed girl was shouting down the phone telling him to come up to the room immediately. As the man entered the room he saw his mate curled up on the floor and surrounded by his own blood.

The guy was in agony and later it was revealed that the girl had propped herself up on her shoulders and elbows with her hips in mid-air and the daring friend decided to go all Evil Knievel and jump penis first into the women’s vagina.

It was unsurprising that after several alcoholic beverages the man had messed his jump up, missed the girl and fell right into the floor and ended up with a split penis!

The poor lad had to get a blood transfusion as the girl hadn’t called the emergency services first. Even worse the lad wasn’t able to have sex for months.

A bloody mouth

A girl retold the story how her boyfriend insisted on going down on her whilst she was on her period.

After letting him, the lad resurfaced gagging, before running off to her bathroom and being sick everywhere. After returning from the bathroom and finally calming down he told the girl that he had swallowed a blood clot.

The embarrassed pair did eventually see the funny side of it all.

Tape worm troubles

According to a reader on All Night, a man and girl met up and headed back to her apartment.

Things started to heat up and soon they were ripping each other’s clothes off. The girl then pounced and jumped on top of the unsuspecting guy and spun him round into a 69er position.

As the pair went to work, the guy said he kept feeling a tap on his forehead and despite ignoring it for a few minutes he looked up to see what it was and to his horror realised it was a tape worm dangling from her bum.

The guy was so disturbed he got the girl off of him and ran straight out of the door.

Don’t ever rest against a window

According to the Ranker website, one couple were having a very sexy afternoon, but unfortunately it ended in absolute tragedy.

As the couple were making love against a window, the glass broke and they fell out together and both died on impact.

Belly button delivery

In another weird sex story a girl talks about how she started to hook up with a guy she fancied at work. She believed the guy was a virgin and after what he did during the night he left that way.

Although things started well, the guy stuck his dick in the women’s belly button and after asking what he was doing, the innocent guys’ response was “isn’t that where babies come from?”

Cue the girl quickly grabbing her stuff and getting out of his house. Despite the embarrassing night, the lad turned up to work the next day and asked for a second chance, but the girl kindly refused.

After reading these sex horror stories you might want to talk to our granny phone sex service to get comforted that none of these horrible events will happen to you.